You said WHAT!?!?

Have you ever found yourself, frustrated, defeated, hurt and angry. SCARED and feeling completely hopeless until all you can do is lash out, try to at least even the pain playing field? You have already come to believe the inevitable out come and know you are fighting a lost battle yet, just one last chance and – – – screw it all up.

A perfect opportunity to rise up, be bigger, better and mature. To leave it all with a sincere statement that shows love and understanding, tolerance. All the things you wish you were hearing, getting but were not.

But instead of stepping up and being better, you jump down so low it is hard to fathom where the vile, angry text of your reply came from.

Of course you haven’t! Statistically speaking, how many people with that low (or non-existent) level of self-esteem, so over flowing with self loathing can be reading this page? How many of those that grew up with terrible examples of how adults treat each other, that learned sarcasm before the alphabet, that know physical pain as the most common reward for showing emotion because that is what they were taught by example, HOW MANY of those fucked up incapable of not being a raging asshole when cornered people can be here?  My guess is only the one writing it.

It doesn’t matter what was said or to whom. Just that it was stupid, careless and now – forever out there – never to go away. As I said here just a short while back, there is no putting the word Jeanie back in the bottle.

So – denying a friendship  and mocking a comment of care, love. That’s about as fucked up and reactionary as you can do spontaneously. To be more cruel would require forethought.  Something totally lacking in my response.

Why? Even it if did smack of bullshit, why let it push your buttons? Why give in and prove them right? You can still be the emotionally crippled fucking asshole you learned to be from day one of your life without proving it. Can even get past it, in time. Why didn’t you start right then? Would have been a good time to start.

I know I didn’t mean it and it means nothing to admit that. Jeanie is out – I let it out and it is long long gone now.  And no matter what I try to say now, meaningless.

Hoping a praying the snowball reaches me soon

A V