But seriously –

Never ruin a hobby, past time, passion, or good time but taking it too seriously. No, seriously, don’t do it.

There was a time when I ‘acted’ in attempt to make a career of it. Not a successful attempt mind you. Had it been, you would know me much differently than this. I stopped pursuing that when, well, it became apparent that it was not going to work out. Funny, I am still going to live in a box eating some one else’s left overs and value pack cat food. Oh well.

After a break, I started back doing theater for fun. Not professional or anything like that. Just low end, community theater. Waiting for Guffman and all that crap. Not even semi-pro, all amateur bullshit stuff. Supposedly, fun stuff.

Well, it ain’t any freaking fun at all. Not anymore. It is long long long hours for – NOTHING. About a zillion times I have been asked, “Do you get paid for this/that?” No, no I do not. I do it because I love it I say. I do it because it keeps me sane I say. I do it because of the people and the camaraderie. I do it for the crazy satisfaction of doing it well.

Bullshit. I do it because it’s fun to make people laugh and/or cry. It’s satisfying too when it is someone else doing it. It was fun once upon a time anyway. I make enough people cry being myself. I get laughed at enough being myself.

What it comes down to is, it’s just sooooo nice to not be me for a while. Or, it used to be. There is no satisfaction in this activity anymore. None. Not even a little bit.  Most of the people I would not waste the gas to run over with my car; as much as I would like to see them disappear down and under the front end of the Toyota. The audience can care less on this level. Phones on, talking to each other, eating. It is like they are in their own living room – shouting at the stage.

Nope – there is nothing good, satisfying, educational or any other positive word for doing this stupid shit anymore or being stuck around the freaking self-important failures that are all into it. No jackass, this is not going to look good on your resume. No one from LA or NY will happen to choose your play to watch and then be taken by you. This is not a stepping stone to anything. It’s just a chunk of rock keeping you stuck where you are.

It’s a waste of time and energy. The next asshole that gives me the “I know what I’m doing, I’ve done this XX many years”, or just the fucking tone, I am going to punch in the throat. If I could walk on this nightmare show I would. I’m not even sure I won’t. WTF do I care? Will this shit pay my rent? Nope. Will it help me get a paying job? Nope. In fact, the time commitment interferes and restricts and causes many problems in the area of ‘making a living’. I don’t have a successful wife paying the bills for me.

I can find something to do with this time. Something that pays. If I am going to put up with condescending assholes, I could be a waiter or even a bus-boy. Even they make minimum wage.

Cannot wait till this is over. (Crossing fingers for meteor strike on theater – with some people in it.)

Taking a LONG break. LONG LONG break if this crap ever ends.

Ant-Knee