Time

Where does it go? Seems like only a year ago I was thinking about what to say at my first AA meeting. I have not been to many meetings of late. Have not had the need to attend, to keep level and not drinking. I am even more even now thanks to the Sertraline. Meditation, better eating, sleep, some exercise are all helping as well.

So, this morning, I got my sleepy ass up and went to the harbor for a meeting. My home group. The place you are supposed to go for milestones. I saw a bunch of familiar faces and a bunch of strangers. Some of each said hi and I said hi to some each too.

I had not planned on sharing my moment, just to know that I got there for it was enough to me. But, share I did anyway. Took the applause and the nice comments. It is a big deal, no matter how easy it seems to have been. Easy is a hard word sometimes. Easy to over use or misunderstand. I do not mean simple. Although, not much is more simple than simply not putting something in your mouth. Not about doing, about not doing. Now that is easy. Sounds easy anyway.

So, this morning I have one year of continuous sobriety. Since the doctors prescribed the other stuff I do not count it as a slip or a break of the run. Actually I have a year and a day, leap year and all that.

How does it feel? A lot like it did at sixty days and six months and yesterday. It feels good to wake up and if I feel bad, it is still my own doing but not like a throwin’-up-knee-cartilage hangover. Just a pizza hangover.

I realize how much I have done this year and also how much not. I have time. Time to do lots of things, theater, school, pets, garden. Time to do nothing, watch racing, watch the garden grow, watch the pets play. This year has not been any longer than any other leap year. It feels like it though. In a good way. Not like the eternity a day of waiting can be. Longer because I did more. Accomplished some things along with royally screwing some up too.

I managed to rat-fuck up a friendship and ruin a relationship. I also managed to salvage one and start a few new. (Friendships – I’m done relating!)

I have not managed to make progress in program, the steps. I did however make contact with someone I believe I could settle down with and start over. I mentioned before, more than once, the steps are good for people, not just drunks. I am stuck in the between place of still thinking I am an alcoholic or just had a problem drinking. That means, way back to step one if I want to use them to help myself become a better person. So it goes.

Anyway – here is the long and short of it. I made it to one year. I said I would not be on this topic anymore after I did. I believe I may have misspoken there. I am sure I will have some comment about what happens next, next time something happens. My blog, my option!

Thank you to those that listened and cared. I appreciate the support, the understanding and the comments too. Far to few of you comment but I know you are out there! “You get out if it, what you put into it” That was a quote from some one this morning about me doing my steps. Think I will see if they were right.

Have a nice Wednesday – I am!

Peace, Ant-Knee