11 months

May 4th. The day before the more American than Mexican holiday of Cinco de Mayo. A short milestone for me.

Eleven months sober. Or, more exactly, eleven months of not drinking. I made a point of the difference some time ago. One is working to make yourself a better person while not using. The other is just not drinking. I am just not drinking.

Sort of.

In the tradition of AA I am just dry. However, I am in school, therapy and church. On meds and doing assigned reading. Even attending a senior Tai Chi class! (More on that later!) I would have to say I am actually working on improving but, not according to AA. I am not going to meetings or working with a sponsor. My last sponsor turned out to be a nightmarish situation. Not interested in trusting anyone else there at this time. I am not working on my ‘steps’ with anyone. I am looking for some one to work with but not with a bunch of gusto. If one happens to wander into my garage one day…….

There is an ease and familiarity with just saying, “I don’t drink” and then moving on. I do not crave and I do not worry. To many that is a red flag. To me, it is a fact, I don’t drink. I am as good at not drinking as I was at drinking. I am just as comfortable with it as well.

So why do I count time then if not to share at meetings? Good question that I cannot answer. There was a time when making it to one year was very important to me. That held a huge prize, opportunity. It was a date loaded with potential. Now, it is just going to be another day. Just like today. Just another sober day. No big deal. I have other things on my mind much more important. School, finding a real job, loosing my vision, and stuff. Lot’s of stuff. Kick ass fun theater, my garden and my animals. Books to read and to write. People to meet.

So, I will note this day next month with about the same or maybe even greater lack of enthusiasm as I have noted today. I hope my meds have kicked in and take then high and low ends away by then. It will be a big day for me, not for not drinking but for what will not come with it. Besides, someday someone will ask me, in shocked disbelief, “When did YOU stop drinking?!?!?!” Probably someone I have not seen in a year.

Peace, Ant-Knee