Unique, in all the usual ways.

I used to love that phrase. Taken from a play I do not recall anything else about. I still like to say it.

It occurred to me earlier today that this relentless pain and unhappiness I am feeling the past few weeks is never going to go away. It will simply become more and more a part of me until I do not notice it any more. I do not believe in that time heals all wounds crap. That is like saying all bleeding eventually stops. It sure as hell does. Where you place the inflection changes everything.

So, I am not going to forget how I got to feeling like this. I am not to going to stop feeling like this. I am just going to be like this, period. There is only one thing to look forward too. I am not alone.

It came to me while I was comparing prices on string cheese. No matter how miserable I am right now, some other bastard is ten times worse for only half as many reasons. I am not alone. I am not any different than a million other idiots that chose to believe someone, to trust, to let down their guard, only to be kicked in the teeth. I am probably not the only dumb shit to go back so many times for more.

It is the resentment I do not enjoy. Resentment is liking peeing your pants, no one feels it but you. So true. I do not want to feel this way but it sneaks in. There are still times when I want to jump for joy or want share something good,right up to the moment that I realize, the phone will not be answered.

I’m angry right now and sad too. I want to yell at someone that does not hear nor listen. I want someone to be as unhappy and hurt as I am and it pisses me off to know they don’t give a damn if they even remember. Just off and on to something else without looking back. Thank you very much.

What ever it is I am feeling, going through or getting over, I am not alone. I am not at all unique or different. I thought I was, even tried to tell someone that. No wonder I am up late, alone, not accomplishing anything but writing this shit, getting out of my head. Does not help though. I thought it did, getting it out. If was helping, there should not be so much left, right?

Beats listening to a phone ring and ring and ring.

I recently commented that my heart and spirit are broken. Well, too bad, right? Get over and get on, no one cares. They all have their own crap to get through or around or into.

Unique in all the usual ways. Says it all really. No matter what I say here, someone has said it before. Nothing new under the sun. Someone needs to try that million monkeys on a million keyboards. Just to see.