More or Less –

The problem is this, one of the two people in a relationship is always more invested than the other. (I took that terminology from an acquaintance of mine. I would have said ‘one cares more than the other’ but invested sounds more modern, educated and quite frankly, cold as hell.)

There seems to be some balance that needs meeting, lets use 100 since it makes the math easy. You go for 100 in a relationship made of two people. However 50/50 is just not there. If you’re lucky, really lucky, 60/40. More like 70/30 and that just sucks. Not matter which end of if you’re on, sucks out loud.

No, being the 30% is not better. Being desperately lonely while someone is hovering around willing to do just about anything for you. Yea, that’s a great time. Guiltily enjoying the attention and probably taking full advantage of it but still not satisfied.

Or, you can be 70%. Jumping through hoops like a freaking circus poodle and somewhere in the back of your mind, no matter how sure you that this time it will be enough, you are expecting the rolled up Wall Street Journal to whack your little brown nose.

Dinner – simple right? Can’t make it, no big deal right? OK, 30%, just blow it off and go for drive-thru. But you know there will be some response from the 70% (if you’re at all human that is) so your great, greasy, messy burger is wonderful but the tick-tock of the emotional clock is interfering with each bite. But really, its food, a function of life. Scale of 1-10, a 3 maybe. Just not a big deal.

Dinner – simple right? Can’t make up your mind what to make so you buy four options worth and figure you can just send a partial on your utilities. They will understand, you’re in love after all! What, not coming, for no good reason!?! OK 70%, soon as you are able to catch a breath since it feels like someone has stomped on your chest, you say something like, “Oh, that’s OK. Next time” Your disappointment is at least five times what is reasonable but remember, you are 40% more in vested. You are hurt, sad and want to cry, over dinner.

30% thinks you’re a freak but they don’t realize what that meal, that time means to you.

70% thinks you’re a freak for being so cold and uncaring, barely human.

Omission and lies. 30% knows that what there are doing, where they are, who they are with will upset 70% so, they just don’t bring it up. Omit the unpleasant and keep the pleasantries to a minimum. Not lying after all, just not saying anything. Nice rationalization. To 70% the omission is worse than a lie. It not only shows them you knew what you where doing was going to hurt them but you wont even put the energy into lying about it! Of course 70% is over- reacting and creating all kinds of scenarios in their head that are probably far from true. But why not? 30% you leave it open by lying, by omission and being vague. 70% lie too. “That’s OK.” “No big deal.” “I’m fine.” 70% lie all the time. The small thing you omit if huge on the the other end. The reaction feeds the omission and vice-versa.

I’ve been both of these, 80/20 even. It sucks. Both ends. It leads to resentment, anger, distrust and some rage on really bad, sad occasions. I hated it on both sides and I hate being there now. Strong word, strong emotion, huge effect on life. Minute to minute.

A road trip would be nice. Camry camping for 16 days, living in the South-Wests finest rest-stops eating Denti-Moore stew cold and right out of the can. Would someone even notice I was gone? Would some one be worried sick?

50/50 – the legend continues!

not-so-peaceful this morning,

Ant-Knee