Pride, Praise and Thank You’s

Pride is a bad thing right? Deadly sin an all that. Makes a person unattractive and generally hard to be around. Clouds the perspective of the prideful person as well. So then…

…what do you do when someone tells you how well/good/nice you have done something and end this little bit of praise with, “You should be proud of yourself’! Or, “I am so proud of you’! Sheesh. Can you make this a bit more confusing please?

Yea, Yea, Yea – put you school teacher urge away. I do get that there is a difference and a balance and that some things are ok in moderation and with in limits. I personally would prefer they not be called or referred to by that same name is all. I get conflicted.

Where this all come from? Damn glad you asked. Coffee, comfy, ready? Here I go. (Long self centered ramble that will look like compliment fishing and may just be but not primary intention, feeling a bit vulnerable this morning)

To start with, there is a light drizzle out side (obviously out side) that I am calling rain and using as an excuse to not work in a yard. Lazy lazy boy will regret when I eating rammen around the first.  Want you to have the proper visual of my mood, coffee, rob, slippers and mad hair.

When I do theater, or just about anything really,  I am most likely my own worst critic. Typical of most people I believe, unless of course you/they are one of the prideful folks previously mentioned. I bring this up as this current play has now come past the half way and is heading for close. This past weekend had some different presentations. I refer to Johnny as an individual now, and he was angry on Friday and Saturday nights. Not sad like he has been. He was very sad on Sunday afternoon.  Makes for a huge difference in what the audience sees and what my poor partner has to work with. Sherryl, you are amazing, thank you so much.

I spent two solid weeks beating myself up about not being prepared, ready or able to be this guy. Right up to the final dress, I had nothing. It came on opening and it stayed for the weekend. Thankfully. But it felt late and incomplete. I know it was good, and went well but there was always that nagging little thing that kept me from being pleased with it.

Too the title of this bit now. In small or community theater it is very common for the actors to come out, do a little meet and great with the audience after. With few exceptions and very little difference from show to show, theater to theater, the experience is the same. You are either really amped up or very tired.  If wired, you can show some but try to tone down. If you are exhausted, you put on your best smile and kick it up for just a few more minutes. You shake hands and say thank you for coming. You mean it, you really do, because this is why you do this. This is the part. It is also for me the hardest part. The only thing I like less than this part is the curtain call. I hate that part! UGH!

Your Friends come to see you. Your friends are not going to tell you you suck. They are not going to tell you you should have stayed home and read more.  Your theater friends might say things like, interesting, different, not what I expected etc. The good friends usually qualify these comments with something about it not being you, it was him/her/them/the lights/the direction – whatever. No one really just says, “Dude, what the hell where you doing up there”? Unless it’s a reviewer.

Reviews are good. Bad reviews are good. Good reviews are better. Any press and all that stuff. However, they can and do hurt. They can and do confound and confuse and frustrate. From the review hating the script so no matter what you do it will not make them happy to doing exactly what you director asked for and that being what the reviewer hates. Oh well, one persons view and blah blah blah, and bleck.

Here, finally, is what I am getting at. I know I am pretty good at this stuff. I say that feeling punk and prideful and conceited. When I do good work I should be proud and happy but I am not so often. I am extremely proud of this show. We, Sherryl and I, have done a ton of work to make this really good. That being said, I still cannot find it in me to believe someone who tells me they liked it, appreciated what it takes, how it made them feel. What the heck is that all about?

OK – confidence issues – I know there was a reviewer there on Saturday night. I am 0 for 3 with this guy. He does not like anything I do. I expect nothing different this time. I usually find a way to blow off the reviews, good and bad and just try to keep my directors wants in my head and take whats given from others and try be giving to them. Not so much this time. I am not looking forward to this one.

Anyway – this had rambled around to no end for no reason. Points are these: thank you to those that have said thank you to me, I try to believe you. Thank you for the praises and compliments, I hope you meant it. My pride is up and down. Let me know if out of control please.

I will look and see if I can find his comments. Will post link if I do. No sure why, I have already written his review 10 times for him.

Peace, Ant-Knee