My Broken Heart. (really, it is!)

The whole of 2022 I have spent with doctors, nurses, physical therapists, lab technicians and, of course, billing departments.

The problem with the back has progressed to the point that surgery is required to make life livable. I’ve heard a million and one horror stories about how surgery made things worse. Having had one successful one already, I am hopeful that this one will be as well. Do what the doctor says and do not do what he says not to. Do the rehab, the way and at the pace told to. It worked last time.

I did over the years not always do things the way I should have and allowed my sorry ass to get out of shape while not keeping core and back muscles strong and limber. I 100% own the condition I am in. Well, my back anyway.

During the run-up to surgery, there are a few things one must do. “Pre-Op” testing. Usually pretty basic stuff. At first, I thought I had ‘passed’ it all with only a false positive hiccup. Not so.

The heart murmur was cause for further testing, not necessarily concern. Did the chest X-Ray and sent me off for an echocardiogram. A simple, non-invasive procedure to see how the heart is functioning. Aside from the cold stuff they put on the wand, easy thing to get through.

I received an email that my results were in and I could check them by logging into my records account. A new and handy thing. I thought. 

One paragraph, three sentences with the most important part being “results are within normal ranges”. 

I thought I was good to go. Just kick back and count the still very many days before the procedure date. 

I thought wrong! Very wrong.

Call from the surgeon’s office, “hey, you are on hold until we find out about this bad heart valve situation”.

“Excuse me?! What bad valve are you talking about? My report said, all good.”

Why they got the info and I did not was on my mind but not at all what I was interested in knowing at the moment. Suddenly I was much more interested in the report they got. What does it say, exactly? What does it mean, exactly? DuFuq is wrong with me, EXACTLY?!!

Well, they of course refer me back to my primary who reads the report and I am no closer to knowing anything than before because I do not speak doctor. As to what it means for my surgery, he does not know either. Has to get it in front of a cardiologist to review. 

A day goes by. Cardiologist “You can have your procedure but, once that is done, you need to come to see me so we can discuss a course of action.”

What I know is this: I have ruptured Chordae tendinae. These tiny things are responsible for closing (maybe opening too) the Mirtal Valve. If they are ruptured, the valve does not close all the way and you get regurgitation. Blood going back the way it came through the not-closed all-the-way valve. I get it. I understand it. But…

How did this happen?! How is it that after no less than 8 times I was checked out, with a stethoscope, this year, the last time was SEVEN DAYS before the day doc says, “Oh, how long have you had a heart murmur?”

How did no one hear it before then? I asked the doc and he says, “Well, we don’t know when they ruptured.”

OK, fair point. So, what causes these to rupture then? 

There is a list of things, not too long and not too short either. 

NONE of those happened to me in the seven days prior. Not. One.

In an effort to not stress myself out over something I literally have zero control over for now, before my surgery to repair my spine, I stopped looking into whats, hows, whys and whats to comes. 

All I know is, my heart is broken. No one can tell me how it broke when it broke or why it broke. Just another thing to look forward to once my back surgeon signs me off. To meet with a heart surgeon. And start the pre-op shit all over again.