Excuses

I heard an interesting comment recently that has rustled around in my head like a few fallen leaves, caught up in a corner, the wind spinning them ’round-n-round in a seemingly endless yet, pointless dance.  Eventually, the continued abrading will break them down to dust. I wanted to get this out, written, committed too before that happened. The comment is of importance and I do not want that lost to me. I am sure there is something of value in this.

I am sure it is has value to others as well. As sure as I am of that, I am sure they will not see it.

“Excuses are just another form of lying”. There it is. Simple. The rest of the conversation, the presentation on this thought was pretty long. I am going to paraphrase and hope I keep the parts that made me want to remember it.

In the long run, whatever we do, we do by choice. Because we chose to do it. Period.  When someone asks you, “Why did you do ‘that’”? The proper answer is, “Because I chose to”.

Most people will instead launch into some form of an explanation. They will give an answer that is full of reasons for it. Some things are truly valid, believable, honest reasons.  These are usually the kind of things that no one needs, seeks an explanation for.  Exp: “Why did you pull the ripcord on your parachute”? “So I would not bounce off the ground”.

It is the other things, the lessor obvious things that we turn to excuses for. The difference between a reason and an excuse is sometimes very slight and difficult to see. There is, however, a difference. Usually, the one, the person giving it is the only one that does not see or hear it.

Why are you an addict? Why do drink so much? Why are you a liar? Why are you a cheater? Why do you behave like a slut? Why are you a thief?  These are the kind of questions that have few reasons but lots of excuses. Lots.

Taking the available information at hand, using it, abbreviating, twisting, embellishing or deleting, whatever it takes to rationalize your behaviour. That is what makes an excuse a lie. Takes if down and degrades it from a reason to an excuse. When the true information is manipulated in anyway to make the rationalization work, it becomes false information and the excuse, therefore, a lie.

I never thought much about it before, certainly not in this way. Why am I, do I, did I? Because I chose to. There are few reasons for much of it. There are many, many, many excuses. So much information presented in a way to rationalize my behaviour. Maybe I am trying as hard to make it make sense to me as I am trying to make it makes sense to anyone else.

I like to look at it like this. Not only because it makes me look at my actions in a different light, it makes me look at ‘yours’ differently as well. Mostly because of all the excuses I have heard over the years, all the times I was to blame, I was the excuse for someone else’s actions make more sense to me. I chose to do what I did. You chose to do what you did.

Period.

Stop lying to me. Stop lying to yourself. I’ill do the same.

Looking at the excuses also makes it easier to look at the habits, the things that are re-occurring. Looking at those I hope will make the habits more clear, the basis of those habits more accessible. In turn, I hope to use that information to break some of the less healthy, unproductive habits. Change, get rid of those and I will not need excuses for my behaviour, actions. I will either have reasons or simply say, “because I chose to”.

Give it a try.