Big Spoon, Little Spoon

There is more to ‘sleeping together’ than sex.  There is the literal ‘sleeping’ part.

Although is seems rather obvious up front, the fact is, getting sleep with someone else in the same bed is not as easy as it sounds. To really ‘sleep’ with someone is a learned habit. It takes as much practice to sleep well with someone as it does to sleep together well.

When you are first trying this out it usually comes with some first time sex encounters. If you are lucky this means affection and common bonds of at least like if not love. This being the case, there tends to be a lot of cuddlin’ and cooin’ and whisperin’ and all that kinda cute romantic stuff. It means you are close too. Physically, really close together.

This last for the first few encounters, events. Maybe more, just not a lot. It last right up until someone finally breaks down and says, ‘You are amazing! This has been great but, I gotta get me some SLEEP!”

Most people have a particular way that they sleep. On their back, stomach, one side or the other. Pretty consistent to it as well. What happens when you bring an extra body to the REM party? A big lack of REM is what.

Now, it is easy to imagine all the positions you sleep or attempt to sleep in when partnered up.  My experience has always been that, unless you just kiss and call it a night, turn you backs to one another or move to you own side from the center, there is going to be one extra arm in the way.

Example: guy on back, girl with head on his chest. Very romantic movieish. Very uncomfortable for just about everyone. The guy has a face, mouth full of hair. Usually messy just-had-wild-sex hair. Then there is the girl who may or may not have a face, mouth full of chest hair. If the guy has a chest of any dimension, she may have her neck at an uncomfortable angle. What they both have is – an arm in the way right between them. Maybe two arms if the guy does not get his under her neck quick enough. When that happens, they both are miserable.

Then there is oh-so-romantic and common spooning. This is a great way to spend time with someone you care for, love. It is a fine feeling and perfect for the cooin’ etc etc. It is also kinda hard to sleep this way. Once again, depending on weather you are the big spoon or the little spoon, face full of hair.  AND – if you are big spoon – extra arm!

If you keep it down beside you, it is now stuck between your front and your partners back. Yuck. Nothing comfortable about that. Nothing. If, like I prefer to do, you put your mattress side arm up under you partners pillow you are comfy. YOU are. Your partner may have an issue with it. Such as, they are not at all comfy with your arm there!

(HINT: If you really want to sleep/sleep, be the big spoon. The big spoon is the one that can start things up again or let you both sleep! wink)

Eventually, when exhaustion takes over, someone just kisses someone and go finds a comfortable way to sleep. It’s a good thing to find this out as soon as it becomes clear that this is going to keep happening. Talk about it, joke about it. Experiment.

Nothing leads to the “what did I do wrong?” conversation faster than turning your back on/to your little spoon. No answer is worse than, “Nothing. I’m just tired”.  Once you say that, you are never getting any sleep!

I wont even get into the hot body / cold body – window open / window closed – music on / music off. All of that is easy to fix, adjust to. An extra arm? Not so easy.

A V