On being Pathetic

– adjective

There a good many ways that someone could be, act in a way that would earn them the label,  PATHETIC. It’s not so nice a thing be called. Especially from someone you thought actually cared about you. Respected you. Even recklessly believed when they said they loved you.

It is even a bit worse when you find that you are using the word to describe yourself. When you find yourself to be miserably or contemptibly inadequate. You might very well be but, it is something a healthy person does not just accept and believe. They stand up and say, “I am worthy!” “I have value!” “I deserve love and respect!” even a, “I did my best!” is something.

But, just looking into the eyes of your reflection, staring into the false you and admitting, saying aloud, “You are fucking pathetic” is prolly not so healthy. Again, even if it is true.

It took some time to reach this conclusion. Maybe not a lot of time. Just a couple cups of coffee and a few errands and suddenly it is clear, you are a failure in ever sense of the word. As a man, as an adult, as a partner – as anything someone your age should be by now. You are miserably  and contemptibly inadequate, and everyone knew it before you. Just another sign that it is true.

Laying down, alone, knowing what is happening, and waiting. Not quitting, not walking away, not demanding, not doing anything but waiting.  Being  walked all over like the miserably and contemptibly inadequate man you are.

A V