Expectations

That ‘thing’: the result of expectations is who is most let down when they are not met? If you are the one not living up or if you are the one being let down, both sides suffer some what. I suppose the level of expectation by both the expector and expectee are the key to knowing who is the biggest looser.

Myself, at my age and level of experience, have come to expect that I will not live up to anyone’s expectations of me. (Not the good ones anyway). It seems I make a good first impression then, steadily fall off the pace until folks walk away scratching their heads trying to figure out what they were expecting in the first place. “Why?”,  is a common question. Why did I think he would do/say/provide _____________(fill in the blank)

Those same years and moments have left me a bit weary as well. I often look forward to certain things and expect things from others. I am just as often let down.  It is not ‘them’ that let me down but, by my misunderstanding and my desire that there is someone out there that will actually a) not expect me to be more than I am, who I am not, b) live up to being what I expect them to be!

You see, this will not work. Cannot work. Has never worked to date.

I am flawed as a person on both ends of this situation. I cannot be who everyone thinks I am. Somehow, I need to bring ‘the real me’ to every party, dinner, walk in the park and  talk on the phone. From the very first moment. Not lead anyone to believe there is any more there than there is. Save us all a lot of time and energy.

I also need to stop expecting anything from anyone else, at all. To take everything as it comes, a surprise when nice, not a surprise when not. Not to lose sleep over what did or what could happen. Just go to sleep knowing stuff will happen – if I expect it to or not.

This, by the way, is not a social commentary on all people. I have met, know people I could expect the world from and they will find a way to deliver if asked. This is about me not being one of them. This is about me not choosing those type of people to expect things from.

Time for another cough drop and to delete emails, photos, files and all expectations.

A V

PS: self-fulfilling prophecy created by expecting the worse? Yea but, topic for another day.