I have given myself until 8:00am to ‘start’ my day. That is, to DO something. To make SOMETHING happen.
My place is mess due to my being lazy, easily distracted, and bummed out that I have had to take the step of ridding the massage room of its table and replacing it with a rent paying roommate. This is, in the practical, a very good thing. It is not in the self sufficient, romanticized view of independence and success. It is just another step. Wise? I dunno. Sometimes necessity clouds the vision.
I have stuff cooking, simmerin’, back-burner-a-waitin’ yet, I am hungry this morning and rootin’ around in the dirt. Not my favorite position to eat in, bad back and all. Lack of money for gas was my excuse for not doing something today when I believe, the reality is, deep inside, I just don’t think I will get it so why ‘waste’ the fuel to find out for sure? Sad.
Has anyone seen my self confidence? “Hello balls!?! Here balls, here! Come-out, come-out wherever you are!”
So, I have given my self sixteen minutes to sit here, bitch and whine and be a punk with no self esteem, a big-ass empty pail of esteem – OR – is the pail full of doubt? 1/2 empty, 1/2 full – get it? Forget it.
Then at 8:00am it will officially, in my mind anyway, be MONDAY. To those of you that have lived with your heads out and up where they belong, Monday is the normal start of the work week. So, today, I will attempt to be normal. I made a mental master map and list of motivations to monopolize on my mania. MONDAY!
Divided the day into 8-10, 10-2, 2-4. (have school tonight so that’s taken up) Domestics: a-la continue clearing up after addition, Work: a-la phone pirate, Study: a-la anatomy.
IT SINGS! A-LA LA LA LA! Sorry, could not resist. Sounded pretty good too.
What is all this about you ask? Well, nothing damn it! Does everything have to be about something? Does every question really have to be seen as a hint to some other question? Yes and No ARE answers. Every moment does not need to be productive. There are many ways to measure success and happiness IS pretty much a choice.
Sorry, talking to myself there.
I’ll be back tonight, maybe before school, maybe after. Let ya know what I accomplished, finished, started.
Peace, Ant-Knee
PS: it’s 8:13am – crap!
Day late – It is now Tuesday morning. I slept in too. I made moderate progress yesterday. My room is much tidier, the doors hung on armoire with care. My front room, where my desk lives, much much more organized. Homework 70% complete for Saturday. Real, money making work – about none. WiFi will not Wi or Fi for some reason. Birds and rats no cleaner nor tamer. Outdoor plants happy, indoor thirsty. Me – ? WTFK’s
The Gori Details 
Leave a comment