The Gori Details

Hints

—

by

Giancarlo Gori
in , ,

OK, I’m sitting around scratching my head and my ass trying to figure it all out. Where am I? Where am I going? What am I doing to get there from here and how shall I mark the trail back, just in case?

More than an a little disillusioned / concerned / confused / apathetic / questioning about massage.  I love body work. I love learning about it and doing it. I just don’t get to do it! I am forgetting more than I am learning at this point. Quickly becoming a passion and hobby (much like acting) with little to no chance of being a so called career or even just a job. (What’s it like to have a career?“)

So, while I am sitting here with the echoes of a dozen peoples “Give it up to God”, “Have faith”, “Pray on it” etc, and trying really hard to do just that, to make that make sense and see/feel/hear/understand what that is/means, I get not one but two really cool nudges.

1) From the brilliant musings and anecdotes of my best friend Christian on his twitter, “The winds of change are blowing, and I am rapidly building windmills, not shelters.” Wow. Balls of steal my friend. Thank you for the kick.

2)* From a daily devotional I receive, a scripture and explanation, dissection of, each morning,”So whoever cleanses himself from what is ignoble and unclean, who separates himself…be a vessel set apart and useful for honorable and noble purposes…” (II Timothy 2:21).

This note, view, ‘ The Bible says that bad company will corrupt good morals. God wants you to constantly be growing and rising higher in life. That’s why this verse encourages us to separate ourselves from corrupting influences. And those influences are more than just the people in your everyday life.’ More actually, but I am up for space and time saving.

Not knowing the amazing humor and irony of these two message sources is just a shame for all of you. My mug hurts from laughing and smiling.

But, the inside of my head, the part with the gray matter, with the screwed up mutation that allows for forethought, to look ahead and to ‘see’ possibilities and outcomes, that part is not so happy. No smiling, not laughing, not good pain. Just a klaxon like cacophony of “WHAT ARE  YOU GOING TO DO!!” in various sounds, tones and a few languages I do not even know.

Now – what does all this mean you ask? Why thank you, let me tell you. Well as much as I have figured out so far.

1) I have to pay the loan for massage school if I go or not. So, might as well complete that. Is it still a high priority? Not so much. Just seems like a knee jerk reaction to force some kind of change in my life. You might not know or recall but I applied for that loan at 1am a few weeks after getting sober and during the sleepless stage.  Was just searching through schools when I found one I had already attended. Go figure.

2) There are other schools or things I could do, that I might actually be able to make use of in life, work. I must be good at something or I would not have been kept a live so long. Something must be waiting for me to make a contribution.

3) I love to build things, windmills never crossed my mind before this morning. Time to take up the pencil and list what that means.

Thank you Christian, for absolutely everything you have and I am sure, will do for me.

Thank you God for the nudges. Little hints do not work so well with thick head and hard heart. Still, I could really use a post card on some things. Just an answer I can actually understand!

Alright – end of babble. I need to make actual progress on things needin’ done for this day. If and when I get an idea of what all the above means, leads to, I’ll let ya know.

Peace, Ant-Knee

* Joel Osteen Ministies – hope I am not breaking the law!

http://joelosteen.lakewood.cc/site/TellAFriend?msgId=22881.0&devId=26721&JServSessionIdr004=sziqkhipe3.app23a

Comments

One response to “Hints”

  1. Christian Avatar
    Christian

    Anthony, my brother, my best friend, relax.

    You have time. You have a world of options at your fingertips. I read somewhere once that the only way to change your situation was to change your mind (or somesuch), but the way I interpreted it was ‘change your outlook’. Yes, I am building windmills in this professionally turbulent time, and to what others feel is a major career trauma to me feels like I just shrugged off the weight of the world and a whole new set of options appeared to me. It’s not God, serendipity, or timing….it’s just a change of perspective.

    Sobriety is a noble thing, and I commend you for it while envy’ing you in a non-friendly kind of way. It will help you see things clearly, as you need to do when considering the multitude of options available to you.

    Now, you have your leisure, you are at a crossroads, so relax. Think it over. Don’t rush into the wrong thing because you already paid up, promised someone else, whatever. Take all the time you need to figure out what YOU want to do for YOU, and then (and this is the important bit) write down all the things you could do to fuck it up quite royally.

    For example, you want to become a serious actor? Well, you could not tell anyone about your goal, not attend acting lessons, not take every scrap of acting opportunity you can find, and so on. Make sure you put that someplace very visible and public, and then walk by it every day and make sure you are doing the exact opposite. (my coach recently taught me this, and it’s quite effective, I assure you).

    My advice for now is to sit on your deck/porch/lawn and read a (library, if necessary) copy of Stranger in a Strange Land, and perhaps also Atlas Shrugged for contrast. The mix of those two should give you a sense of patient purpose if nothing else. 🙂

    I fully accept your thanks for the things I have done for you, and I hope that you do the same for all of the things you have done for me in my life.

    Chin up. C

    Like

    Reply

Leave a comment