When to stop –

I have one more theater commitment this calender year. Some summer thing. Then I am done! If you ever see anything in here even close to suggesting I am in anyway involved with anything to do with theater, point me to the little black spy capsule! I am finished with this.

added too, amended or appended whatever it is, 1/1/08, 8:30 am ish.

Ever freaking inch of my body hurts. 2800 mg of Ibuprofen did nothing. All I had left dang it. Funny though, my stomach actually felt more calm after. Not too common. There was a time when I loved to eat.

I can’t seem to sleep or stay awake. Which ever I try the other tries to invade. Since when do sounds in or around the house wake me up in fear? Used to being annoyed with noise, but fear? Someone once said, “A man grows to hate that which first he feared” I don’t know who. I wonder though if he had on opinion of going backwards, regressing, reversing the process.

Is meditation meant to be exhausting? How can I ‘follow my breath’ when I am wondering about the blood in my mouth, from my own tongue and no recollection of the bite?

I sit, stand, kneel and lie down to pray. Cannot be still for a second. I do not think the memory of a root-beer brown 69 beetle, no matter how vivid or happy, is what should follow, “Dear God…”

Bring back the primal scream – please!

57 hours. In 57 hours I can sleep, rest, forget, just relax, maybe for a minute or even an hour. Too much to hope for? Maybe.