Crying

Holy Moly, I have been crying like a little girl the last three days. Sheesh. Don’t get me wrong. It feels great and I am sure I needed it but really. Enough is enough.

Part of playing a part is being in the moment, real emotional reaction to what your character is experiencing. Usually for me, that means to determine the emotion I or the director have decided is appropriate for that scene. Then, find personal experience to reflect on so, when the time comes to act that way, I have something to recall, to build on.

Johnny Smit is a kook. This guy has some issues and then, he has some problems and at least one bad hang up. It is fun to be this guy for while. It is scary to be feeling his crap so much though. I have my own crap and I am trying to keep it all in the crap container. Air tight and safe. I am failing!

Exhausted after rehearsal. Sad after rehearsal. Beat up (literally) after rehearsal.

In about 44 hours there will be live paying people in the seats. I am, for the first time in about 8 years, terrified of what will happen.  I know I know this show but I am still struggling to shake off the Anthony shell and let Johnny be a mess. I have it for a few minutes, or hours on occasion. I will have to be it consistently starting tomorrow. Wow. What a trip this one has been.

What a gift, a treat and a chore.

What a wake up – I am a kook too!

Peace –

Ant-Knee